NOOOO They Be Stealin’ Mah Starbucks”

Britney Spears

As we get ready to celebrate our nation’s independence, let us not forget the things that make this great country what it is. Some of those things are freedom, bald eagles, Parking Wars, entitled suburbanites, toddlers playing with guns, and, of course, Britney Spears. Who, when you think about it, kind of embodies all of the above. She also embodies the look and smell of a passel of squirrels snacking on a spilled ice cream cone at the park. I have no idea what she’s doing in these pictures, but it makes me want to wave a flag and set off a bottle rocket and fail to be able to point to Mexico on a map.